Stay Up-to-Date with our Blog
Many people struggle with relationships that drain them emotionally, leaving them feeling exhausted, anxious or stuck in self-doubt. You might convince yourself that things will get better or that you just need to be more patient. But a toxic relationship will continue to pull you down unless you take action.
Toxic relationships are not just unpleasant they also have a real impact on your mental and physical health. The stress, negativity and emotional weight of these relationships can trigger anxiety, depression and even physical symptoms like fatigue and headaches.
If you’ve been working on yourself but still feel like you’re not making progress, your relationships may be part of the problem.
Toxic relationships hold you back and drain your energy. If the people around you are constantly negative, critical or dismissive of your growth, it becomes nearly impossible to move forward.
How do you know if a relationship is toxic? Here are a few warning signs:
If any of these resonate, it may be time to set firm boundaries or, in some cases, walk away.
Setting boundaries is essential because it protects your mental and emotional health by reducing anxiety and eliminating uncertainty which is the greatest source of stress. Clear boundaries set predictable expectations, which helps your mind stay calm and balanced.
Some people are afraid to set boundaries like these because they’re afraid. But the truth is, boundaries won’t hurt your relationships — they’ll improve them.
Here are three clear steps I use to set effective boundaries.
You only have so much emotional energy each day. Imagine you wake up with 100% available. How much of that do you want to give to someone who drains you? 80%, 50% or maybe just 10%? If you give too much, how much will you have left for yourself and your loved ones?
One woman I worked with was constantly caught in her mother’s negativity. A casual tennis lesson with her mom turned stressful when she mentioned needing to vaccinate her daughter. Her mom immediately launched into arguments, sharing videos and articles criticizing the decision.
She asked me, “How do I handle this? I can’t just walk away from my mom, I see her all the time.”
I told her to imagine starting each day with 100% of energy. I asked her: “As a mom of three, how much energy can you really afford to give to your mother’s negativity?”
She quickly realized she’d been giving too much, leaving her depleted and unable to fully show up for herself and her kids.
This realization led to her starting to set boundaries. She learned to say something like, “Mom, I appreciate how much you care about our daughter, but right now, I’d really just like to enjoy our tennis game.”
This approach allowed her to acknowledge her mother’s good intentions without absorbing the negativity. As a result, she stopped draining all her energy on this one relationship.
By setting clear, compassionate boundaries, she took control of her emotional well-being and improved their interactions over time.
A boundary is only effective if clearly communicated. Clear communication reduces misunderstandings and creates certainty, directly reducing anxiety and stress. Remember, you can be assertive without being ‘rude’.
For example, if someone constantly criticizes you, firmly but calmly state: “I won’t continue conversations that put me down.” If they dismiss your emotions, clearly communicate, “I need to be heard and respected. If that’s not possible, I’ll have to limit our conversations.”
I had a friend who frequently invaded my privacy, pointing out new items in my home or even reading my personal notes. Instead of letting frustration build, I started proactively addressing the issue. If I knew he’d notice something new, I’d mention it first, removing the element of surprise. For intrusive questions about my relationships or finances, I prepared polite but firm responses, such as, “I’d love to share, but I’m under an NDA.”
Be firm, but calm.
You don’t need to justify your boundaries or convince them to agree.
Boundaries only matter if you enforce them consistently. If you say you won’t engage in certain conversations but still do, your boundary becomes meaningless.
Let’s say a family member brings up a topic you don’t want to discuss. Instead of engaging, you can try to change the subject. If they persist, excuse yourself from the conversation. Over time, they’ll learn that your boundaries aren’t negotiable.
I had one client who had ongoing stress from her mother’s constant negativity. I advised her to establish specific times for their interactions. Instead of feeling obligated to engage constantly, she set aside two hours once a week. By clearly defining when and for how long they would spend time together, she significantly reduced the uncertainty and anxiety that had previously overwhelmed her.
Knowing exactly what to expect allowed her to mentally prepare for the interaction, ensuring she had enough emotional energy reserved for herself and her children. She also found it easier to steer conversations positively during their scheduled interactions, which gradually improved the overall quality of their relationship.
I used a similar approach myself with a persistently negative friend. Instead of getting stuck in long, draining conversations, I created clear boundaries. When he’d call, I’d say something like, “I’m driving to the office, but I’ll have about 30 minutes free later.” Having a clear exit plan allowed me to stay in control of my energy.
Having a structured plan for interactions reduces stress and anxiety because it removes uncertainty —the biggest source of fear and frustration in relationships. By clearly defining how much you’re willing to engage, you stay emotionally balanced and maintain relationships without feeling trapped.
Not every relationship can be saved. Sometimes, no matter how many boundaries you set, the person refuses to respect them.
There are three options in dealing with toxic relationships: improve them, minimize them, or walk away. If improvement isn’t possible and minimizing contact isn’t enough, walking away may be the healthiest choice.
As I often tell my clients, “You wouldn’t allow poison into your body so why allow it into your mind?”
Walking away isn’t easy, especially when it comes to family members. My wife Bridget, who had an abusive relationship with her father reached a point where forgiveness wasn’t possible or healthy for her.
She recognized a painful truth: her father’s abusive behavior was about his own unresolved pain, not about anything she had done wrong. Understanding this helped her realize that she couldn’t change him, but she could protect herself and her family from further harm.
Ultimately, Bridget made the difficult decision to completely cut contact with her father. It wasn’t easy, but she knew it was essential for her mental health and for creating a safe environment for our children. She chose to prioritize her well-being and the well-being of those she loved most, even though it meant stepping away from someone who was supposed to be a cornerstone in her life.
The lesson here is clear: sometimes, protecting your emotional and mental health means making tough choices.
You don’t have to absorb someone else’s negativity or toxicity, even if they’re family. Some situations simply can’t be fixed, but you can always choose to prioritize your own healing and happiness instead.
Walking away doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you care enough about yourself to stop allowing harm.
Toxic relationships can keep you stuck in patterns of self-doubt, stress and anxiety. But you don’t have to stay trapped. You can set boundaries. You can decide how much energy you’re willing to give. And if necessary, you can walk away.
Recognizing when a relationship is harming you is the first step. Taking action is the next.
If you want to change your life for the better but don’t know where to start, I suggest you take a look at our program, TIPP (The Inspired Performance Program).
We’ve helped over 1,000 people overcome anxiety, depression, and burnout, empowering them to perform at their highest levels — whether at work, in sports, or in everyday life.
Would you like to learn more? Book a call with a TIPP advisor to find out more.
